THE WEEK FROM HELL
Well, honestly, it wasn' t completely bad, but close. I had a fantastic weekend, but the following Monday I went to the credit union, and discovered that a red fluid, which I had thought at the time to be transmission fluid, boiling on my exhaust manifold. It wasn't. I took the car to the mechanics, all the while carefully watching my temperature guage. By the time I arrived at the garage, the car was smoking quite a bit. The transmission has shifted hard during this harrowing adventure, and given the boiling fluid, I figured that the smoking was related to that. Wrong. It turns out that the water pump in my car had busted, prompting $400 in repairs. The transmission is getting a flush. Not only that but it turns out that the head may have gotten hot enough to crack. Needless to say, four days later, I am still not in my vehicle. I can only pray that my engine didn' t sustain massive amounts of damage. I can't afford the time or money. The passports have yet to be replaced, and I am still working 3rd shifts at Meijer. My razor stayed in the car so the first time I have had a shave was today. I am exhuberant that this week is over. I am counting on next week to offer something better.
NIAGARA FALLS, OLD REUNIONS, AND THE 100TH POST
I took a journey to Niagara Falls this weekend, ignoring such issues as lack of my Canadian cell phone, and the lack of the guy who was supposed to accompany me. I took off alone then, that fateful Friday the 13th, in my freshly waxed car with little idea of what was in store for me... Actually, despite the rough start, I had a wonderful time at the Falls, staying with my (second) cousins. He is located in St. Catherines, ON for a summer seminary assignment. I have not seen them for over ten years, so seeing them came somewhat as a shock. Of course, in their perspective they had not changed nearly as much as me, and they were probably right in that assessment. Their kids are now ten years older than when I saw them last. Their son was but an infant that I had held at the age he is now. We sat on the couch till 1 AM and ate nachos and discussed the previous ten years. I spent the following day at Niagara Falls, the Journey Behind the Falls, and where else but the Casino Resort in town. Unsurprisingly, the former two turned out in the end to be better uses of my time and money. Sadly, when spending time at table games, you have by far the best chance in a casino, but nearly even odds do not indicate a win. The casino has just as likely a chance of winning, and so my two $10 bets were lost in the span of about 3 minutes. Not being one to blow more than a few of my increasingly rare bills of currency, I moved on shortly after getting fleeced. “The Journey Behind the Falls” was interesting enough, and while I did get thoroughly soaked, I found the experience to be rather expensive given the amount of time that one typically spends down there. I would posit a theory that the average person spends about a $1 a minute for the privilege of getting close enough to the water to feel the spray. The Falls themselves are magnificent to behold, the most surprise there being that the American Falls are best viewed from the Canadian side, oh, the irony. Other than having my passport stolen, it truly was a fantastic weekend. That night we went out to Port Dalhousie for ice cream and walked the pier out over Lake Ontario. You could see Hamilton and Toronto from the shores. I could have spent days there, but unfortunately reality has a harsh buzzer, and they had to leave for New Hampshire for a family camp, and I had to return to work the following day. Southern Ontario did however make it onto a list of places I would love to return to.
CRAZY SUMMER DAYS
The week has begun in a poor fashion, although I still have high hopes to recover it. Yesterday afternoon my sister got in a massive car accident merely a mile from our house. Of course, this had to happen the week that my vehicle is in the shop with a downed ignition. My week has begun with me working frantically to assure that I have some kind of ride to jury duty or work, whichever it turns out to be for tomorrow. On the upside, I am getting this site completely figured out, and I am planning some fun updates over the next few weeks before school begins again. I am planning on driving out to St. Catharines, Ontario to see some second cousins of mine, and the rest of the summer should be consumed with working. Nothing else is really exciting right now. I am just trying to get my motorcycle endorsement and enough money to buy my books this fall. After that? It's anybody's guess.
JAMMIN' AT HOME
It is so hard to believe how fast the summer has flown by. I have been playing with my second computer all summer, as my first is biding its time dismantled in Vernon, British Columbia. This one is fantastically illuminated by the UV cold cathode tube, and it has a reasonable amount of power with an AMD Athlon XP 2100+. Games are alright on it, but I have stuck mainly to surfing and business type applications. The motherboard is an ancient ECS K7S5A, which supports both SDRAM 133 and DDR 266. I am hoping to finish out this summer with a bang as I take an introspective look on how to correct what I view as key flaws within my psyche -- namely, my overwhelming urge to procrastinate and near complete inability to focus on what I want to accomplish, a distinct lack of talent for solving complex chemical problems involving multiple equations, and total disorganization. Desiring to conquer these and other issues in my life, I have taken the approach of figuring out how to properly balance personal, work, and academic issues in what appears to be an extremely busy calendar for the upcoming year. Needless to say, progress has been minimal, but I am dedicated to completing these tasks long before I begin school again.
THE NATURE OF EVIL
Evil seems to be an uncontrollable force running amok through a world that does not often recognize its existence. Its power is pervasive and complete, oozing into every facet of every man's life. It breaks down relationships, destroys integrity, and spares no one man or woman. Worse still, its most powerful weapon is deception and its shield is the darkness. Comprehensively it breaks down a person to carnality. Always I can feel it stir deep inside of me. A suggestion, a thought, a whisper is ever present in my mind. The struggle against its power is never finished; the Gates of Hell perpetually tempt. Is man good? No, I cannot think so as I see the threads of malice woven throughout man's existence. Even God's greatest men succumbed to it completely at various points in their life. Our bondage is ended only in death. The chains of mortality link us directly to our sin. As Thomas Hard deftly points out, "A resolution to avoid an evil is seldom framed till the evil is so far advanced as to make avoidance impossible." It creeps and sneaks, corrupting the consciences of many, it lures with trite promises, offering only pain and damning death at its end. Most people do not realize how far along they are until it is far to late. Courting sin is similar to a canoe ride off of Niagara Falls, exhilarating in its start, terrifying at its end. I feel cold.
OUT OF SORTS
I got out of work today promptly at 7 AM and proceeded to kill about 45 minutes to wait till it was late enough to head for church. I drove out to Calvary, and then fought valiantly to remain awake for the entirety of the service. After making a stop at Panera for coffee, I headed home with my step dad driving (I met up with them at church). I crawled into bed around 11 completely exhausted around 11, got woken up by my sister at 3:30 PM, and finally woke up at 5:45, feeling a little "out of sorts". It's a feeling that I haven't quite managed to shake all evening. I spent the night scrubbing the floor with the aid of a 15oo lb piece of equipment, and tonight, I think I get to wax. Oh well, that's a few more skills that I can claim on a résumé, and really, I don't mind the work. I really am looking forward to my day off, though, to get a little sleep and change the transmission fluid on my car. I am working on getting back into the amateur radio groove after not really being on the bands during my time at school. I recently put my mobile into my new Pontiac, after a considerable amount of effort. Hopefully I can complete my Morse code requirements this summer so I can qualify for my general license as well. I would love to operate a little up in the mountains. Well, off to work again, later.
SIPPIN' TEA
I attempted to make some "sun tea" earlier today, only to be foiled by the foul weather around here. What was earlier mist gave way into full blown rain as Grad Rapids prepared to be assaulted by yet another week of dismal weather. Not that I mind, really, I had just wanted to give my car that final coat of wax... I work at night and sleep during the day, so it doesn't make all that much of a difference to me. I am hoping to accomplish some much needed chores around here tomorrow. The room must be cleaned, laundry has to be done, and I have a hunch that my mom has something else up her sleave too. IT is not like there is much to do outdoors anyway. The only other compelling task for tomorrow is looking into sonography, or something similar. It provideds a serious cash flow, without a whole lot of education. More later.
OPEN HOUSE IMAGES
A few images were just too good not to include on the front page here. Starting with an unbelievably good picture of my uncle as he was leaving our house. The picture below is one of Dan, a good friend of mine, and his gift from me. He had just finished eating three sloppy joes. Can you tell?
SWIRL OF EMOTIONS
Hurtling through the cosmos on a bottle rocket of emotions probably doesn't sound appealing, and indeed it isn't. I hover daily between despair and jubilation. Looking at the entire landscape of my future is just about enough to bring me to my knees. I have never been able to handle the uncertainty. I love to have at least the illusion of being in control of my destiny, but in a sense, I have never had that. Life is difficult enough on its own, but I am consumed with the idea of purpose and destiny. Is one destined to complete a task? Can one be driven to a goal not of their making and engrossed with the idea? To an extent, these and other difficult questions, unanswered, have formed a pillar of my life. The ponderance of these questions occurs at all times, breaking of the dawn, setting of the sun. Even my very competency for life itself I question at times. To say that the University of Alberta lowered my self esteem would be hyperbole in its essence. I believe in a very real sense that in some ways, the U of A managed to do what other failures could not -- namely shatter my confidence in my abilities. Sure, I, as well as the rest of the world, control their destiny, but to what extent? I believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason, and thus I can't help but think that my demoralization serves a purpose somehow, I just don't understand it. I feel exhausted sometimes, not only in a physical sense, but in my entire being. And inevitably, in all of this, there is a deep sense of shame at what I have allowed to happen to myself. I am unable to control certain aspects of myself that horrify me. Lack of self discipline has always been my greatest struggle. In all of this, I cannot help but wonder where I fall on the magic line of sanity. The definition of life for me has been my struggle against God, my folks, my world. The rage against an unequal and unjust world. The fight to make a difference in whatever way I can. The drive to better myself at any cost. The will to not become what I despise. The contant run towards a moving target I have set for myself and which I do not understand. I am the berserk fox.
LIVIN' IT UP!
I have had the last two days off of work, and that in itself has been glorious. I realize of course that like all cretins, I must go off for a minimum of 40 hours a week and earn the money that I need for school, but that doesn't mean that I enjoy it. I may be moving to third shift soon, as I ponder all of my options and the ramifications therein. It all hinges on how much of a night owl I really am, that -- and how desperate I am to move out of second shift. The site should finally look acceptable for at least a little time while I decide on how to sculpt it for the upcoming school year. It is my new resolution to spend most of my time off of the computer. I have a huch it affected my grades last year, and I cannot allow that to occur again. My natural tendency leans towards laziness, but that is a bad habit I am determined to break. It has rained like the dickens here for the past week, seemingly wreaking havoc in its path. Unbelievably, I believe it has rained here daily for over 10 days. We have had at least 4 inches of rain. The farmer's fields more closely resemble ponds than the food producing green areas they were once thought of as. This kind of damage has not been limited to the farmers. It has claimed the life on one of our phone lines and the only one of my Grandpa's. SBC went on strike too, so it is gone for quite a while. Enough for now perhaps, I am off to my cousin's graduation open house from Calvin College. It should be fun...